A Broken Spirit and A Contrite Heart- My Story: Part 3

Ever since I read and believed the Word in May of 1996, I have attempted to live by the principles and step out in faith. I’ve prayed for a lot of sick people who ending up dying. I’ve also prayed at length for Divine intervention into the lives of those who eventually ended up taking their own lives. Of course, that leaves a girl wondering and asking a lot of questions. Knowing that God does not lie, I knew intuitively that the problem was on my end. Several years ago, the Lord pinpointed double mindedness as the root problem.

James 1:5-8 states, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

So, I began to ask the Lord, “How am I double-minded?” To which He promptly informed me, “You are not truthful.” I was shocked by this as I had gone to great lengths and large expense to myself and reputation in effort to be a truthful person. He further instructed me to “listen to myself”. Over the course of the next week I did begin to listen and what I found was that I was lying. I was lying to myself. When my feeling would be hurt, I would say, “It doesn’t matter, I choose to forgive” or “I don’t care.” That was the clincher. I was in the bathroom after a difficult encounter with someone I love when I heard myself say, “It doesn’t matter”. That is when the Lord quickly responded, “See……not the truth”. That is when He advised me to correct my speech. For the next few years, every time I announced, “it doesn’t matter”, His Spirit of Counsel would correct me. I would have to back track and say it does matter and admit to the feelings that were associated with my pain. It was a confession of sorts. It did matter, I was angry or sad or felt disregarded or insignificant. And if I were to become singular of mind, I would have to be okay with radical honestly. Even it if felt offensive to me to experience these less than stellar feelings, the truth was the bigger issue at stake. I wasn’t fooling the Lord; He knew my heart. The only one being fooled was me. This issue was producing a double mindedness that was prohibiting His power from flowing through me.

As I began to ask the Lord to unpack double-mindedness to me, I came to understand that our tri-part nature had a lot to do with it. He also began to show me how our bodies are in fact His temple and that the temple specifications that were given to Moses on Mt. Sinai were an important clue for how our bodies are designed to house His Glory. As I continued to research and seek out answers, He also showed me how each piece of furniture in the temple was intended to show us more about ourselves and His Heavenly Pattern. I believe and aim to explain how the lampstand is a picture of our soul.

It seems that it has adequately been reported that we are a spirit with a soul living in a body. I have heard it taught by many respectable Christian teachers that our spirit is three part: wisdom, communion and conscience. Our soul is three part; mind, will and emotions. And our bodies are three part: bone, flesh and blood. I began to wonder what happened at the “Fall” that biologically changed us and if Christ’s death, burial and resurrection accomplished the reversal of the curse as the Bible seems to indicate. I know that may be a difficult statement as we, the church, seemed content to live in a fallen world until we get to heaven or He comes back. But if the original mandate and the “keys” were given back to us, perhaps the fallen state of the world has more to do with our unbelief than it does with God’s answering of our prayers. Perhaps we are receiving answers in ways that we did not anticipate. Is He waiting for us to discover the lessons that He has placed before us to learn in cooperation with His Spirit’s leading?

What I have concluded is that the doublemindedness comes from the inconsistencies between our spirit and our soul. When our soul and spirit agree or have singularity of mind, we will fulfill the requirements of believing without doubt and can expect to receive what we have asked for. Christ alone makes us Spiritually alive and His Spirit within us begins to guide our prayers in ways that are amazing. When our consciences are clear, even our desires are pleasing to Him. Over the next 50 days, I will be using the tabernacle and the lamp stand to walk you through your body and soul. This temple provides a model for us to search the deep things within. At the onset of each week, I will give an overview or “Knowledge” of one of the Seven spirits and how it relates to our soul and body. We will focus on that “pillar” for seven days and go to the depths until we get to the treasure hidden far beneath the surface.

Each day will contain 1) A spirit blessing and prayer, 2) A soul-searching question and 3) A physical action intended to impact your body and activate your Spiritual armor.

We are energic beings, made in the Image of the Creator of the Universe. It is time for us to the be the creative vessels of power and authority that we were always mean to be. Blessings to you as we journey from First Fruits to Pentecost and Experience His Fullness.