Chapter 4- The Spirt of Counsel
Calling my sister in law, I quickly made arrangements. Although we were practically strangers, she agreed,
and I was scheduled for a one week stay in Austin. My brother in law picked me up from the
airport and advised me that I happened to be arriving on a very important
weekend. Master’s Commission was hosting
an event at their church that was starting that very night. I told him that I was open to whatever and
that the only instruction that I had received was that I was “here to
wrestle.” Master Commission is an intense discipleship training program
that challenges young adults to grow an intimate relationship with God and
pursue the dreams God has placed before them.
Upon arriving at Glad
Tidings in Austin, TX I was immediately stuck by the energy in the room. Although most of the Master’s Commission
students were my age, I felt significantly older. I was already a wife and a stepmom and
clearly in a different season of life than my peers. It was almost as if I was experiencing this
event as a much older woman.
Nonetheless, I was struck to the core by the passionate worship and the
surrender to the Spirit that was on display.
In the circles I was accustomed to, there was no mention of the Spirit,
but here I could feel It! Truthfully, it made me a little uncomfortable. Little did I know that was just the beginning
of the discomfort I would experience that night. The night was full of radical
worship and I observed with much wonder.
But then a man arrived on stage and stated that He had heard from the
Lord. He said, “We never do it this,
but the Lord has instructed me that there is someone here who needs to
wrestle.” My brother in law whipped his
head around and looked in my direction, we both knew he was talking about
me. He went on to explain this concept
as an “Underground training tool” and called up a young man to demonstrate what
this looked like. I was completely
appalled. The young man was instructed
to begin to confess his sin and pour out his heart as a group of his peers
encircled him. As he started confessing
the ugly truth of his condition the people around him began cheering him on and
encouraging him. As they did this, his
confessions got uglier and the tears and snot came. Just when he was a heaping mess on the floor
this group raised his arms and declared him a winner, a champion. It was certainly a sight to behold. And one that I wanted NO part of.
Then the man invited “that
person” to come up. “ummm…..no”, I
thought. He waited and stated, “Don’t
let pride and the fear of man hold you back from your freedom”. Slowly people began to come forward and I felt
as if I were off the hook. The Lord
reminded me why I had come; I yielded my will to His and accepted His
invitation to come and be free.
Chapter 5- The Spirit of Might/Strength
I had to close my eyes and I
obeyed. I came in weakness, with great
fear and trembling, my words were not wise or persuasive but demonstrated God’s
power. (1 Cor. 2:3-4). As I opened my mouth and began my confession,
the words poured out from the depth of my soul.
It went on for what seemed like ages, but when my arms were lifted in
victory, I knew that I was free indeed.
A joy settled in my spirit as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I had defeated a very real enemy that could
have kept me bound. The Spirit of God did not take over my body. He invited me to participate in what He was
doing, just like Blackaby’s Experiencing God had said. Obedience is costly to you and those around
you. Although the price seemed large at
the time; I was going to look like a fool.
I learned that there is no price too great for freedom and that as I
yielded to His instruction His spirit within me would equip and enable me to do
the very thing in my own strength I could not do. Like the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel in
Zechariah 4:6: “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord Almighty”. I had been empowered and that power would
stay on me for the reminder of my trip.
I was set free from my addiction to marijuana and fueled to spend the
next 6 days in deep study and reception.
He poured so much into me that week as I listened to more than 20 hours
of Beth Moore’s breaking free Bible Study.
I also was given a book that would be critical over the next two decades
of my journey. I devoured “He came to
set the Captives Free” by Rebecca Brown, MD.
They were wonderful tools that I would bring back with me to
Michigan.
The second most
transformational event that occurred that week was when I met a man who told me
everything I ever did. (John 4:29) Yes, I was introduced to the prophetic and I
was intrigued. As this
minister told me things about myself that no one could possibly know, I was cut
to the heart and understood that God was intimately acquainted with my life and
my deep pain. As he spoke the words,
“God is not mad at you” over me I wept from somewhere deep within my being. The Lord was beginning to impart that truth
to me. I wish that I could have fully believed
Him in that moment, but the truth is that is has taken me over 20 years to
accept His unconditional, radical, perfectly complete love and acceptance of me
and my design. After all, He put me
together for His pleasure and purposes and had deposited His Spirit in me as a guarantee
of my inheritance. (Ephesians 1:34-14)
Texas provided for me my first
experience with the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:10, “That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in
weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For
when I am weak, then I am strong”.
I left Texas with an impartation. Just like Jacob had wrestled with the Lord
and been blessed, I too felt as if I had an experience from Genesis 32:26. I
just did not realize the extent to which my spiritual eyes had been
opened. I found out as soon as I
returned home from my trip. As I walked
through the doors of my home in Holland, MI I could feel the presence of
evil. It overtook me and I was quite
frightened. I immediately called my brother in law who prayed for me as I listened
to the voice of the Holy Spirit advising me what to do next. Peace came and I obeyed the order, “It’s time
to clean house”. I was instructing to go
through each room and remove anything the Lord said was displeasing to
him. I took a bunch of things including
old love letters, a bowl for smoking pot and other remembrances from a former
romantic relationship and dumped them in a dumpster around the corner from my
home. I returned to my home and it felt
clean.
Chapter 6- The Spirit of Wisdom
I had much to process from this week of deep revelation. I had returned to a culture where the things I had experienced were not discussed. Again, not being one for pretense, I quickly begin sharing with the staff of the local church I had become a part of. I could see they had little paradigm for the things that I spoke of and admitting to a drug addiction while on staff of a church isn’t standard operating procedure. I am certain they had no idea what to do with me. I was grateful that I wasn’t fired, but I also needed guidance on how to proceed in my newfound freedom. That is when the Lord led me to Dr. Neil Anderson’s Freedom in Christ materials. Although prophetic ministry seemed to get to the root quite quickly, Wisdom would reveal that there was more than one way to freedom. Neil Anderson’s methods were much more suited to the Christian Reformed Community that had become my church family. As I learned this technique, I was pleasantly received by a few key members of the elder board and we launched a ministry. We were able to help some people, but this is the kind of thing the enemy of our souls conspires against. Looking back, this may very well be why things began to change and soon I was no longer feeling that I was a productive asset to the church staff. It was time for me to move outside of the four walls of the church I loved so much.Chapter 7- The Spirit of Understanding/Revelation
I would not be honest if I
said that all of this was easy. There
was much pain in the process of my spiritual growth. Thankfully the Lord has
given me a strong ability to persevere and search for answers instead of yielding
to the temptation to throw in the towel. This is when I began calling out for wisdom
and crying aloud for understanding. (Proverbs 2:3) At this point in my journey, I did not even
know about the seven spirits of God in which I am now writing.(Isaiah 11:2-3) But
as you can see, they had been at work all along pursuing me and wooing me into
a relationship with the lover of my soul. (Psalm 103) I have taken God at his
Word. I have cried out in my desperation to understand. I have put into
practice the admonitions and learned to hear and respond to His voice. I have written a Devotional, "My Body His Temple: a fifty day journey from Passover to Pentecost". Using the Festival of Weeks as a model, (Duet. 16-9-12 & Lev. 23:10-16) I have written a daily devotion intended to examine each part of our being and yield in service to the Lord Most High. It is a love offering to my
brothers and sisters, the elect of God, from what I have received in the Secret
Place. I pray that
they impact you as much as they have me. I am confident that they will continue
to grow and transform me into the likeness of the One I love and Whose Image I
bear.
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